Barber Jokes – October 2017 Edition


A guy goes into a barber shop and askes: “How long before I can get a haircut?”.

The barber looks around at his shop full of clients and says: “Around 2 hours.”

The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the barber shop’s door and asks again: “How long before I can get a haircut?”.

The barber, once again looks around at the shop and says: “About 3 hours.”

The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head into the shop again and asks the barber the same question: “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber says: “About an hour or so.”

The guy leaves.

This time, the barber turns to his friend and says: “Hey, Tony, can you do me a solid and follow that guy. Check where he is going every time. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he never actually come back”.

So Tony goes and follows the guy and a few minutes later returns to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asks: “So where does that guy go every time and why are you laughing?”

Tony looks up and says: “To visit your wife!”


A little girl goes to the barber shop with her dad and stands next to the chair eating a muffin while her dad gets a haircut.

The barber smiles at her and says: “Your gonna get hair on your muffin!”

“I know” she says “i’m gonna get tits too you dirty old bastard!”


A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop.

They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some aftershave to slap on their faces.

The admiral shouted, “Hey, don’t put that stuff on me! My wife will think I’ve been in a whorehouse!”

The chief turned to his barber and said, “Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”


A cowboy walked into a barbershop, sat on the barber’s chair and said, “I’ll have a shave and a shoe shine.” The barber began to lather his face while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.

The cowboy said, “Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room.”

She replied, “I’m married and my husband wouldn’t like that.”

The cowboy said, “Tell him you’re working overtime and I’ll pay you the difference.”

She said, “You tell him. He is the one shaving you.”